my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
