But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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