You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
