and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
