i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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