wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
