What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
