this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
