id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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