is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
