I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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