you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
