Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Randomize
