So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
