Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
