I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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