The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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