Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
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Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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