dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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