dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
pray to the hookup gods
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
