Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
