so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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