Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
