It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
