can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
