I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
