I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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