I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
