You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
