If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
