New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
