oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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