well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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