When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
