i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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