Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
