you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
