last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
