Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
