I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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