uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
