Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
