genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
