I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
