I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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