no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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