It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
