How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
