I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I want to be your penis for a week.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
