u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
