In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
