we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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