Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
