don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
