Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Be still, my beating vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
