and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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