I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't turn off my feet"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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