How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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