Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
