Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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