I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
