I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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