I met the friendliest cop last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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