Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
