If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
