His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
