moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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