How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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