Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
