I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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