k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am naked and annoyed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
