I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
