I just made out with a guy for $7.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
