your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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