i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
