I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
