so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
