new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
