So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
