Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
