I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
