I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
