i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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