I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
