Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
